Tuesday, January 22, 2008


“I Like You Just The Way You Are”

I was watching The Little Mermaid, which is one of my favorite Disney cartoons of all time. Although I watched this movie countless times before as a kid and as an adult, this time it seemed like I was watching it with brand new skeptic and critical eyes.

Behind the dancing fishies, the sarcastic lobster, the handsome prince and the controlling father, is a story of passionate young women and the journey she takes to follow her dreams and find where she truly belongs. However, she ends up losing her path along the way and compromising who she really is… and for what or for whom?!

She ends up giving up her family, her home, her life, her beautiful voice and everything that makes her who she is in exchange for legs and the chance to win the heart of her prince.

Relationships are risky, uncertain and require a lot of work, including a bit of compromising and give and take every once in a while to keep the relationship scale balanced. Otherwise, the couple’s inevitable differences will eventually make them grow apart.

Some people view compromise as a sign of weakness rather than sacrifice. Compromise is nothing like that at unless you start compromising your core beliefs, the things you love, the people you cherish and what makes you “YOU”.

In the words of Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and The city,
"In a relationship, when does the art of compromise become compromising?"

When you start becoming someone other than yourself to please your partner, and start giving up or doing things to keep that love alive, light bulbs should light in your head !!! (P.S how cool would that be if it literally happened, Seriously , SERIOUSLY !!! sorry couldn’t help the Grey’s Anatomy moment :) )

Back to the topic…..

Maybe something aren’t worth saving and the risk of losing them is hardly a tragedy compared to the risk of losing yourself! I read a very nice piece about compromise

“Contrary to a very popular belief that compromise supports love; the truth is compromise erodes love. When you compromise yourself for the sake of the relationship, very quickly resentment is experienced, not love. Love and resentment are mutually exclusive. They don't live in the same house; they don't even live in the same suburb!”

That person couldn’t have said it better. More often than not, someone in the relationship starts resenting the other person for making them give up so much of what makes them happy. Their life didn’t turn the way they expected it to, they aren’t really satisfied, and don’t like the person they became. They have nobody to blame but the other person, they surly won’t blame themselves!!!

So tell me How far are you willing to go for the person you love??

Start dressing differently, quit your job, quit smoking or drinking , move to another city or country, change your religion, sacrifice your friends or family ……… where do you draw the line?

You can never find someone who you like everything about, that’s just beyond impossible but when we choose to love someone, don’t we choose to love everything about them and start embracing their flaws. Isn’t that what for better or for worse is about??!!!

If the slightly overweight, clumsy and sometimes embarrassing to be around yet ultimately charming Bridget Jones can get the dreamy Mr. Darcy to utter the words "I like you just the way you are." … I’m sorry, I just won’t settle for anything less!!!

The way I see it….. and yes a theory is coming your way…

We should approach relationship like Mercury; it has the ability to adapt without losing its composition. So I choose to be Mercury gal !!!
Damn, that sounds like a comic book super heroine in the making…….. copy rights people!!! :)

Now tell me, How far are you willing to go and compromise for the person you love??

16 Comments:

Blogger Shale bin Agnon said...

I think this is a misunderstanding of the meaning of compromise. A compromise is not giving up what you want to be with you sig. other. It is making a fairly negotiated trade with your sig. other, in which you both sacrifice things for the other so neither party loses or gains more. than the other.

Sacrificing yourself when it is not returned does indeed breed resentment. I know of a situation currently in which a Spanish girl is sacrificing herself by living in Ireland for her Irish boyfriend. However, he did not ask her, so he did not feel obliged to make a sacrifice in return. Roughly translated, a Spanish girl will be coming on the market soon guys.

6:03 PM  
Blogger Shale bin Agnon said...

From Wikipedia:
compromise is a concept of finding agreement through communication, through a mutual acceptance of terms—often involving variations from an original goal or desire.

6:04 PM  
Blogger GreyShorts said...

There is such a love where a guy is blind to all your flaws and loves you for who you are but it ends when the mystery and passion end .
I once made sacrifices and ended resenting so now i only agree to things 'fair' such as stated in your examples : quitting smoking or drinking or losing weight seeing this is beneficial to both parties not one selfish party .

6:41 PM  
Blogger Brain Loss said...

Well, i believe that compromise is something you do EVERYDAY, whith or without your partner.I mean don't u sometimes find yourself watching something u don't want to wath on TV just cuz ur mom wants to watch it? Or quitting cigarettes cuz your Husband suffers from Asthma...that's compromise!

However, giving up your dreams, beliefs,identity and future plans for someone else...is plain STUPID!! and a man or a woman who asks you to do so is probably a selfish controlling asshole!!

Compromise is all about giving up little habits or changing certain "MINOR" behaviours and not about putting aside who YOU are and who you wanna be!...

10:14 AM  
Blogger eshda3wa said...

im willing to go pretty far, but compromising is so damn hard!
it always comes down to either or!

but its a MUST in every kind of relationship, romantic, friendship, its a survival mechanism

12:02 PM  
Blogger Rimyoleta said...

as far as my heart and my mind tell me.

8:58 PM  
Blogger Dazed & Confused said...

shale,

i don't disagree with u at all and i am a firm believer that we all should compromise every now and then but what i am referring to in the post is when we start compromising way to much to the point where we start compromising ourselves!
p.s ur Irish friend is a jerk and the Spanish gal is somewhat stupid :|

Greyshorts,
why not red pants ?????

i don't want a guy that is blind to my flaws , i want someone who embraces them and loves me regardless of them ...
as for compromise and sacrifice i honestly think it's relative . e.g i would never loose weight for anyone but myself and i wouldn't concider a guy that asks me too in the first place ... unless i was married to him and gained around 20 Kgs and he is just worried about me !!
i think the rule of thumb is.... if u end up miserable or un happy because of that compromise , then u shouldn't have in the first place :)

brain loss ,
i don't think u suffer of any brain loss , sharp and to the point ... u summarized all i was trying to say in a comment :)

eshda3wa,

it's been a while , we missed u here :)
i am the opposite of u , but compromise threshold is very very low !!
i dropped the only guy i ever thought i loved at the spot without hesitation because he insinuated it !!!!


rimyoleta ,
is it in that order or do the 2 go hand in hand ??

10:48 AM  
Anonymous Sarah said...

hey DC,

long time! hope u enjoyed ur "break" :D

big subject u share with us... i already had the experience where i had to sacrifice my life choices (for a man i thought i loved)and moove 12 000 km far from home but in the end, i didn't go!

The only thing i can say after this experience is that from now on, the only thing i would never do again is coming to compromise with myself!

12:04 AM  
Blogger Aafke said...

Very good post!
When you quit being on your own, you have to adapt sometimes, but that also should come from both sides. And I always see it as ''Primary Essence'' and ''Secundary Details''
You should never sacrifice something that is part of your Primary Essence; it would end in disaster anyway. But to give up, or change some Secundary Details shouldn't cause problems.

So what's left is to determine what is part of your core-being. And yes, somebody who doesn't like my core-being, doesn't like me.
In that case: Hasta la vista, baby!
(and I hope só I can stick to that when I think I'm in love!)

9:30 PM  
Blogger Shale bin Agnon said...

He is not my friend. I would beat the boy like a red-headed step-child. I am not one for tolerating fools. Also, the girl needs to cop herself on.

1:52 PM  
Anonymous impish said...

thats wt makes Ariel a 'Disney' character.. unrealistically enormous sacrifice + genuinely decent prince charming = magically Happy Ending!

true 'Enchanted' style. lacking all those negative emotions- no resentments n plenty of louve.. lucky sh*ts!

6:32 AM  
Blogger The Seeker said...

very good post, I hope you keep writing more often.

I nominated you with the You Make My Day award in my blog. Check it out!

1:26 AM  
Blogger Dazed & Confused said...

Sarah,

thank you very much :)

waw i'm glad u didn't move i don't think i can ever do it for anyone !!!

aafake,

thank you very much , what's up with the name ???
i hope so too :)

Please "Come Back" if you get the line , ur my new favorite person ;)

Agnon,
ur not judgmental at all dude !! :P

Impish,

i've missed u girl :)

indeed but don't u think people make these enormous sacrifices , how about those who leave their homes, change their careers and religions ???

The Seeker,

thanks a million and ur comment honestly made my day :)

10:44 PM  
Blogger Shale bin Agnon said...

Not the one that called them jerk and stupid! ;p

2:29 PM  
Blogger Dazed & Confused said...

Agnon,
touche my friend !

7:26 PM  
Anonymous lu que abrassi said...

Visite me

10:07 AM  

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