I Don’t

Hi guys ,

Guess who was briefly back in the picture recently… It’s non other than “The Crush”. For those of you recent readers, “The Crush” is the guy who finally awakened this Dazed and Confused’s emotions from a long, long, TRUST ME, LONG slumber and sparked her interest for a while but unfortunately left the country before the 2 of us could explore anything.

He wasn’t back for long, so his parents who are desperately trying to marry him off were working double time.

The Crush: my parents are pressuring me to meet someone and they are trying to introduce me to girls left and right
DC: just tell them that you’re not ready and stand up for urself man!!
The Crush: I know, I know but they are not listening and i don't want to break their hearts
DC: BREAK THEIR HEARTS, dude, GROW SOME, seriously!
The Crush: Ok, that’s attractive!
DC: Then don't complain if you can’t take the heat and don’t wanna take a stand!
The Crush: I know but they are my family and they just want me to at least start talking to someone
DC: then tell them that you are interested in someone and maybe they’ll back off
The Crush: Can I tell them about u then? (using his, annoying voice that he uses when he is trying to act all cute and wants to say something in passing)
DC: Don't u dare or even think about it
The Crush: oh Waw ... No hesitation there !!!
You know, it would be awesome if we ended up together. U over analyze things and i don't think about anything, opposites attract u know!
DC: they attract but they don't work. I told you before that you are the last person I would think of marrying, our families and backgrounds are just way too different and I don’t like to complicate my life!!!!!
If you mention anything to them, I WILL KILL YOU !!!
The Crush: freaked u out hahahahahahahah
DC: very much , now seriously don't mention a thing

Most girls would have been ecstatic or at least flattered to hear that the guy they are interested in brought up future plans, even if he was joking about it. I on the other hand started to hyperventilate and felt like I was trapped in a tiny dark room flooded with thousands of spiders crawling up my skin!!!!

SERIOUSLY, What is wrong with me ?!!!!
Am I missing the bride gene and should be put into a test tube and studied. Am I a defected model that is bound to be recalled for part deficiencies?!!

As I mentioned before in my previous posts, I am far from being a player and don’t really see much action (actually any) in my life but the idea of committing to someone honestly freaks the hell out of me !

I have even noticed that I unintentionally fall for the people who I know it will never work out with and that aren’t really interested in forming a long term relationship, and push away the people who are and sabotage things with them as soon as I feel like things could potentially get serious.

I read somewhere the following about commitment phoebes:

“They have a self fulfilling prophecy that they can't meet someone who is right for them. Interestingly they start relationships that are doomed to fail thereby reinforcing their-fulfilling prophecy of failure. And they have a habit of leaving and returning to the same failing relationship over a lapse of months or years. Maybe that's their way of avoiding commitment thereby hurting themselves in the process".

I kinda think this has some truth to it. WHO in their right mind would tell the person they have/maybe had a crush on, “you are the last person I would ever think of marrying”???!!!

Someone SHOOT me please!

I even had the ODASITY to follow that LAME excuse of a line with an even lamer one “It’s not personal” (*handing you the gun) !.

Actually, shooting me would be too merciful; I should be killed in an extremely miserable and torturous way, any suggestions??? (You have a sadist in the making , how attractive…..I make my parents proud !!!)

Why was I so afraid of the idea, was it him or is it me??

Does my fear of commitment stem from the fear that I might find someone better along the way, is it a fear of responsibility, is it a fear that I won’t be happy, or is it a fear that I will loose myself and wont be able to become the person I aspire to become?


I just don’t think I’m ready to give up the idea of me to become an us.
Everyone says that marriage is a merger of two souls and two hearts, or a merger of bank accounts in some cases. However, we all know that in any merger someone always gets the worse end of the deal and gets let behind.

Does the HP and Compaq's merger ring a bell??What’s Compaq some of you might ask, EXACTLY my point!

Does my fear of commitment stem from the fear that I will be merged and no longer will be me?!

I wonder if I will ever meet the man I think is good enough for me or that meets my exhaustive and very contradicting list. The man that will entice me to take the plunge and merge?

Maybe, I will never meet him and that I will never settle down. Maybe my fear of commitment isn’t a disease that needs to be cured, maybe some of us are just built differently and not meant to settle down in the traditional sense.

“Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free till they find someone just as wild to run with them.” Carrie Bradshaw

For those of you fellow commitment phoebes:
Do you think this hesitation and fear is because we just aren’t ready yet or is it something we can never get rid of and just learn to tame and
hide?

For the non-commitment phoebes who get into a relationships with those who are: Do you do it because you didn’t know that they were when you got into the relationship or do you view them as a challenge and taming then is a victory for you ?